Two weeks ago I started getting mysterious ankle pains out of nowhere, which started out as no biggie and progressed into me not being able to walk at all last weekend. I haven’t worked out in nearly two weeks, I want to give the little guy a rest as I figure out what’s going on with it.
You guys know that I feel that health is much more than diet and exercise, as I have said one jillion times since this blog’s inception. However, this laid-up-ness is still a bummer for me – exercise keeps me feeling so nice and strong and even-keeled.
Plus, everything with health is so darn interconnected. It is tempting to just slide down the slippery slope from slothfulness into eating crap foods and hey… might as well go buy some size 2 pants to hate myself over, while I’m at it!
I feel with all my heart that self-love is the most important aspect of healthy living. Sometimes, though, the masculine energy part of me kicks in and I just want to feel like I am DOing something to take care of myself, you know? Not being able to move my body really frustrates that part of me!
BUT BUT BUT… there’s a tremendous gift in limitation. With so much that I can’t do, it helps me to zero in on what I can. This foray into couch-land has prompted me use new ways to take extra-special loving care of myself without riding my bike or standing at the kitchen counter chopping veggies.
Today, I’m going to share my findings with you! In this blog post, I’ll tell you about some of my favorite action-oriented ways to feel like a million bucks when your ability to eat well and exercise is limited. Even the most health-conscious lady in the world hits up against roadblocks like these sometimes. You can sail right past this temporary setback with a little willingness to be creative!
How I Learned About this Freaky Health Stuff
I discovered these methods during a bad breakup years ago. After I moved through the Twinkies and Wild Turkey stage of dysfunctional relationship grieving, my progression to the “You know what? I’m gonna run a fucking MARATHON, you asshole!” stage was halted because it was the dead of a very snowy winter.
I didn’t want the freezing weather to stop the sacred healing breakup process, so I looked to the trusty internet for ways to achieve spitefully good health while stuck indoors.
I discovered Oil Pulling and Dry Skin Brushing and started doing both every morning. I was mildly weirded out, but I loved how they made me feel. My energy levels increased like crazy, the whites of my eyes got all bright, my menstrual cramps subsided, and I made it through that entire winter without a single cold or virus despite the fact that I’d spent a good portion of it chasing snack cakes with 101-proof liquor.
I got over that guy, and by the next winter I met Jonny and you guys know how wonderfully that turned out! I can’t prove it, but I do have a feeling that what lured him into my womanly web was my detoxified organs.
Oil Pulling is a simple Ayurvedic therapy that will make your friends gag. But you’ll feel so great that you won’t even care! Instructions are below, but the basic method is swishing around cold-pressed oil in your mouth for 20 minutes without swallowing first thing in the morning.
Oil pulling has been documented as a cure for kidney diseases, sleep disorders, various cancers, ulcers, digestive issues, AIDS, and just about everything else that can go wrong with a human bod.
The magic powers of Oil Pulling make sense when when you consider that in Ayurvedic medicine (Traditional Chinese Medicine too! They’re not just blowing smoke up your ass), the various parts of the tongue are linked to each organ in the body. By detoxifying your tongue, you can improve the functioning of your organs.
As you swish, the tissues in your mouth release all kinds of bacteria and send them on their merry way. Ordinarily, that bacteria would stay in your body (ew) and contribute to aging and organ degeneration. Oil Pulling is also thought to cleanse and purify the taste buds.
Many people also say it whitens and brightens teeth. I haven’t experienced that – my teeth are still making strangers puke, after all. It does make my mouth feel as clean as it does after going to the dentist, though!
Here’s how you do it:
1. First thing in the morning, before drinking any liquids (even water!), pour a tablespoon of cold-pressed oil into your mouth. Traditionally, sunflower or sesame oil is used, but I’ve also had luck with coconut oil.
2. Swish the oil all around in your mouth, but don’t swallow it, for about 20 minutes. I do this part while I’m showering. You’ll know you’re done when the oil turns all white and thick. This means it has become saturated with your toxins. I find this to be both revolting and oddly satisfying. It might take you less than 20 minutes to get to Toxin Town… experiment and see!
3. Spit that crap out and rinse out your mouth with warm water. This is a final sweep for any toxins that might be hangin’ around your old pie hole.
Dry Skin Brushing
The skin is the largest organ in the body. It wants to release all the toxic shit you don’t need. Daily dry skin brushing before you shower is an easy peasy way to help it do just that.
Dry skin brushing is an age-old practice that involves using a dry skin brush (har har) to remove dead skin cells from your body. The benefits go much further than gorgeous skin, though you’ll get that too… by helping the skin to do its elimination work, you’ll get improved health throughout your entire body.
Dry skin brushing improves lymphatic drainage (SEXY!), helps get rid of cellulite (I can’t swear to this one. I love my body but inspecting my cellulite to assess changes over time would drive me fucking bonkers!), decreases strain on your kidneys (your skin is like, “Don’t worry, kidneys… we detox hard so you don’t have to!”), and most importantly will make you feel completely and fabulously refreshed!
To experience the magic of dry skin brushing, get a natural bristle skin brush and, starting with your feet, make firm strokes toward your heart. Work your way all over your body from your feet to your head, always stroking towards your heart (away from your heart encourages the blood in the wrong direction).
A few notes: you should experiment with differing amounts of pressure to see what works best for you – it should be hard enough that you can really feel it, but not so hard that it hurts. Skip your breasts and vagina, you don’t need dry bristles up in there.
This is best done right before a shower or workout – once you loosen all that gunk up, you want to wash it away as soon as possible via water or sweat.
Now you let your freak flag fly! Do you have any unconventional health practices to share? Tell us about them!
P.S. I found both of these on Earth Clinic, which is my go-to resource for home remedies.
P.P.S. I have not tried urine therapy yet.
P.P.P.S. I am not a doctor. I am just a woman who wants you to feel great, and is not afraid to tell you that you might need to drink your own pee for that to happen. For specific dietary or medical advice, please consult your physician.
Read Part II here!