Why You Can’t Stop Eating

I had my first binge my freshman year of college.  I label it as the first because it was the first time I ever found that I wanted to stop eating, and I just absolutely could not.

That day, I started a pattern that stayed with me for years:  I ate a little bit over my daily calorie allotment and then it was like a switch had been flipped in me and I ate and ate and ate until I went to bed that night.  I can’t swear to it but I’m pretty it started with Vanilla Power Bars that my parents had bought me from Costco over winter break.  Also a heavy indication that I wasn’t in my right mind, because Vanilla Power Bars taste like sweet erasers.  But I digress.  I felt ashamed, guilty, and sick.

This coincided with my first diet.  I am so convinced that diets create way more problems than they solve!  Prior to that first time, I was overweight and always a food-lover who definitely over ate and used food to cope with my emotions. Once I added dieting to the mix, I knew what I was supposed to be eating – I just couldn’t stick to it.  I quickly became one of those people who orders a salad or other ‘virtuous’ food in front of other people but then eats herself sick in private.

I struggled with this for years, a struggle that included wildly fluctuating weight… ‘I can’t wear what I bought last month’, ‘I gained eleven pounds this weekend’-type fluctuations.  I avoided the people who had been so gung ho and wide-eyed and “OH WOW YOU LOOK SO GREAT!” about my initial weight loss.  I felt too embarrassed imagining them looking at my gained-it-all-back-plus body and wondering what happened.

I tried everything I could think of to get better.  I spent several years in a twelve step program.  I went to lots of therapy. I read every single book I could find on the topic of compulsive overeating.  I cut out certain foods, I added in certain foods, I ate in only measured amounts, I intentionally ate as much as I wanted.

It all helped, in its own way.  But at the same time, none of it helped.  What I mean is, I never had that lightbulb moment of “Oh WAIT!  This is what emotional wound I needed to heal/memory I needed to stop repressing!  Now I am one of those people who can eat a few bites of dessert and stop!”

Instead, I discovered that my own personal recovery was slow.  One area at a time, I uncovered un-self-loving ways I’d been behaving and relating that, as I changed them, helped me to develop into the kind of woman who does not eat an entire cake in one sitting, and who can fit into the same pair of jeans for four years.  It was also way more complicated than the weight loss industry would have had me believe – in their brief nods to compulsive overeating in diet books, where they claimed that if I’d just call a friend or write in a journal that I’d suddenly be the kind of person who can eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full.  So simple!

There’s other stuff that helped too, like realizing that being restrictive drives me insane, that I am totally fascinated and in love with food (I mean, HELLO) and that’s really okay, and that people are way too busy thinking about their own insecurities to give a shit how thin or not thin I am.

Today, though, I want to share with you what emotional hot buttons I uncovered over time, in case you’re stuck in the same starve-binge cycle I was.  You’ve got your own unique journey and your own shit to wade through, but I’m hoping that this will give you some food for thought in exploring the whole “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating you” thing.

You are out of touch with your body

I think that the number of American women with overeating issues is a symptom of all of us trying to make it work in our very masculine-energy society, a society that devalues the sensual, feeling power of feminine in favor of the thinking, goal-oriented masculine.

The working world in our country is especially masculine energy (even in female-dominated industries), and so many of us spend all frigging day in it.  We hide our feelings in the name of ‘professionalism’.  We trap ourselves in in sensory-deprived environments trapped inside gray walls with flourescent lighting – UGH.  We constrict our bodies in uptight, uncomfortable clothes that hide our femininity.

Compulsive overeating might be your body screaming and begging to be honored and attended to.  For so many of us, we’ve gotten so out of tune with our bodies, and out of practice with giving our bodies the pleasure they crave.

Food is one of the only sensual pleasures that you regularly allow yourself.  It makes so much sense that you would go positively apeshit on it.

As an easy start, what small thing can you do today to get out of your mind and into your body?

You are an overgiver

You take on everyone’s problems like it’s your job to fix them.  You are the first person that your people call when they need someone, but when it comes to receiving you feel awkward and guilty and like you don’t deserve it.  You say yes when what you really want to do is say no.  You call to see how people are doing when you know they’re going through a rough time, you take the time to write every asshole on your Facebook feed a personal happy birthday message.  You smile and say, “Sure, no problem!  I can do it!” whenever something extra needs doing at work.

If I’m describing you, and you also can’t seem to stop eating, really think about it – with your energy so constantly flowing out of you, it is no wonder that you can’t ever seem to get ‘full’.

I can imagine that this is a reason that so many women struggle with overeating after their children are born.  It’s one of the most extreme states of giving to another that I can think of.  It’s no wonder that it creates a feeling of endless hunger.  I’d never want mothers of babies to stop doing what they do – but this is a new lens to view ‘baby weight’ through.

In my experience, breaking away from overgiving is one of the hardest behaviors to change – I’m actually working on an e-book about it to help make the process easier.  We ‘nice girls’ have built up such an identity around always being the one who is there for everyone. It feels like stepping off a cliff into a cavern of unloveable-ness to think of how we might relate to people without being that “You’re the best!” person who can always be depended upon no matter what the degree of inconvenience caused.

I will say this, though – it is the most important change that I made, and the area that is very frequently to blame when I feel myself backsliding into binge land.

As an easy start, in what small way can you give to yourself today?  This will get your energies a bit more back in balance, even if you’re not ready to slow down on giving to others yet.

It’s easier to focus on food than life, and you’re playing small

When it comes down to it, overeating is like any other addiction.  At the core of addiction is a desire to create numbness and distraction from pain.

I bet that for you,  overeating was (at some point) a coping mechanism; a source of comfort.  The problem is that eventually the pain of such self-destructive behavior becomes worse than the pain you are trying to escape.

The binge/starve/weight obsession cycle is also a very convenient way to play it small in life, to allow yourself to be reduced down to nothing by an obsession with something that means fuck all in the long run.  I’m not going to quote that Marianne Williamson quote because everyone does about how we’re more afraid of success than we are of failure but WE SO ARE.  There’s no time or energy left to change the world when your brain is being eaten alive by calorie consumption and cookie shame, right?

Please don’t be hard on yourself about it – I think society wants women to play small.  If we allow ourselves to be defined by bullshit, we never realize the powers of our own vaginas and take over the fucking world.

As an easy start, experiment with not distracting yourself in any way when you feel pain.  Brainstorm about what you’d want to give to the world if your weight and food were a non-issue.

I hope this has inspired you to take the time to figure out where your own personal bottomless pit comes from.  I know that years of trying and failing may have made you feel differently, but I promise you, you can do this and you are so worth it.

45 Responses to Why You Can’t Stop Eating
  1. julie
    November 20, 2013 | 3:00 pm

    Hi I am 90lbs over weight and struggle every day. I read book upon book always trying to find a way to get off the torturous hamster wheel I am on with eating and trying to diet. I too never felt the light bulb moment that is until I read your blog. I feel I am a huge people pleaser, quite pathetic actually. I am now going to try do something for myself every day. You mention that one shouldn’t distract themselves when they feel pain, do you mean with food? I find it almost impossible to just sit with feelings. Thank you so much for sharing your experience I feel so much better after reading it.

  2. soso
    October 20, 2013 | 12:07 am

    im restricting myself on 1055kal but I cannot see any difference in my weight, im 115 i know im fucking huge and yes i need to lose weight. but I really think i should eat less than 1055 i kinda think thats alot. and i have a tip for binging, whenever you feel that youre about to binge over smth, rememmber how disgusting you’ll feel afterwards and stop, just get up and do whatever you want, the most important thing is to not eat, food isnt that important. ++ always leave the table before feeling full <3

  3. Not so confident
    June 27, 2013 | 5:01 am

    I randomely found this site sitting at a work function stuffing myself like crazy. I just cant stop eating, mind you, this is a week training session and there is just an overflow of food… and I LOVE FOOD. but what it is doing to my body is not good, my health is being affected from horrible skin sores, growths, to just being unattractive… and I just cant seem to stop. If there is good food in front of me, Ill put it in my mouth… and I can now admit to myself that I may be addicted, and I need to do something about it. i think about going on a diet and how “ugly” I look and then i turn around and eat my problems away. Its almost like I cant control myself. I sometimes think Im ugly too… even though I know im not.. and im an outspoken woman, but my body breaks me down and I let myself down in situations where I can excel because of my body issjues… which just leads me to go eat more… I cant stop and I dont know what to do. Ive always been chubby, but this is the biggest ive ever been, the longest ive ever been single.. My father past a year ago, and thats where the heavy eating started… and now it just wont stop. I do think of going to therapy, but then I dont and “life gets in the way”…Im out of touch with my body.

  4. Rashel
    May 20, 2013 | 6:05 pm

    Haha! I stumbled upon this because I was wondering why I was eating so much. I actually noticed that I was over eating TODAY. You made me realize that I feel insecure about myself, that I have some thoughts haunting me, and sometimes, I’m just bored. I especially love this part though:
    “Please don’t be hard on yourself about it – I think society wants women to play small. If we allow ourselves to be defined by bullshit, we never realize the powers of our own vaginas and take over the fucking world.”

    FEAR IT. FEAR THE POWER OF THE VAGINA!

    I’m honestly tempted to print that out and stick it on my bedroom wall. You’re the best ;D

  5. Susan Pauly
    March 13, 2013 | 9:06 am

    Holy Cow- This is good stuff- I started a job with a Home hospice agency. I was the volunteer coordinator. I was responsible for 65 un paid employees who HAD to be where we needed them when we needed them. I spent countless hours listening to stories of suffering. Don’t get me wrong there was some hope and rewards that went with the job as well. I am glad I did it. But, I was volunteering myself as well. I lost both my parents a month apart from each other just a few short years before starting this job. I was only 28 years old with a little baby. They were both in hospice as well. I thought this job would help me “give back”. I left my job as a hairdresser that I had done for 20 years and loved very much for this new venture. Well, I HATED it. It was a boring office, a depressing office, all my co workers were miserable. I gained 30 POUNDS in 3 years. I finally quit, but have felt like a guilty failure ever since. I still volunteer on occasion, but feel “guilty” I don’t do more, I haven’t had a job for 2 years and feel “guilty” about that too. My husband and I are financially secure so I don’t ” need” the income to get by. I have two teenagers so I pour my heart and soul into them and live vicariously through them and their lives, which I know is so so wrong on every level. I am driving them and myself crazy!!! Literally CRAZY!!! All I do is plan my next meal, next diet and next plan in my head, and then fail fail fail.. I sit here crying as I finally feel I may be on to something that can help me get out of this slump, take back my life and be happy again. I need to let go of the guilt,I need to get the courage to start a career that I love that allows me to still be here for my kids and husband. But how? Just how?

    • Kate Geiger
      April 24, 2013 | 8:44 pm

      Susan,

      Your story broke my heart. I want you to know that NOT EVERYONE is supposed to care for the sick and dying and do that kind of work. The thought that came to my mind when you were talking about being a hair dresser and loving it was “that is awesome, use THAT to style women’s hair that is growing back in from chemo for FREE! That is what you can give back. I am praying for your recovery from guilt to going back to being the happy stylist you once were. God Bless YOU!!!

  6. Polly Anderson
    March 9, 2013 | 7:42 pm

    Two words: Bad. Ass. Stumbled upon your blog, and loved this article.

    I like how you didn’t just relate it on the micro-level, but also the way this issue of body self-consciousness keeps women from tapping into their greater potentials.

    Reminds me of these powerful feminist principles of Stephanie of Paleo for Women’s blog: http://www.paleoforwomen.com/mission-principles/

    Thanks for bringing that back home to me. Made me realize why I was procrastinating on all those internship applications, instead strongly preferring to hide in the kitchen and numb my pain with sugar. Fuck fear! Time to tap into my potential and take over the world! Women, let us rule this planet! Put down those cookie recipes! :) Love and empower thyself!

    You are awesome!

    • Marla
      March 13, 2013 | 7:46 pm

      Thank you so, so much Polly! YOU are awesome and oh my god, thank you for sharing those mission principles – I’ve got the chills here! It can be so challenging (I still struggle with it all the time) to realize how much MORE we are as women than we have been taught. The bullshit that everyone else uses to define us really does an excellent job as a distraction, doesn’t it? I hope you kicked ass on those internship applications and you find something GREAT! Thanks again for stopping by. <3

  7. Yuliya
    March 7, 2013 | 11:01 am

    I do want to agree with your statement of “stuffing myself” because there is something I am avoiding. I was reading this and thinking – yes I am that woman that is stuck in a building with beige! walls and fluorescent light. And most of the times that I go binge IS at work – sitting in front on PC, with no challenging work to do (or sometimes no work to do), but I have to be here, because I work in corporate America and that is what “professional” do – they sit in the office. That and I work for a tirant who doesn’t like his life at home and he spends all his waking hours at work. Literally, 12 or more hours a day, uncluding Saturdays. And he expects everyone to be there. And to avoid getting angry and frustrated that I would much rather be productive at home, I buy a bag of M&M’s or any other processed foods I can lay my hands on and binge, binge, binge. I don’t even enjoy that food – let’s face it, who would – eating the whole LARGE bag of M&M’s?

    So I am writing this to you to say – THANK YOU so much, it’s like a light bulb went off – I know why i binge! To avoid to get angry, to pass time…. WOW.

    • Marla
      March 13, 2013 | 7:42 pm

      Oh Yuliya I sympathize with you SO much. Your boss truly sounds like the pits and I hope hope hope that you are able to be free of him/the situation soon! I think that even if you can’t solve every situation that makes you feel like bingeing immediately (like quit your job, which I know is a huge and complicated decision) I really think that any self care and self loving actions and habits you CAN pick up (like standing up for yourself, distancing yourself from people who make you feel crappy) help overeating to fall more and more by the wayside easily. Lots and lots of love to you.

  8. Stacy
    March 1, 2013 | 10:10 am

    You described me when you were talking about the overgiver. I’m in such a bad spot right now. I have been backsliding and gaining. I would eat all day if I could. It’s horrible. I eat until I’m in pain and then I eat more as soon as I start to feel better. I just want to stuff myself, eat and eat and eat. I look at all these people working out and losing and they are so disciplined. Why can’t I do that? I don’t want to exercise. I know I have to but all I want to do is eat. It’s so horrible. I don’t know how to stop doing this to myself.

    • Marla
      March 4, 2013 | 9:26 pm

      Dear Stacy, thank you so much for your incredibly honest and brave comment. You moved me to tears because I know so much how that pain feels. No matter what, please remember that you are not alone – I have been where you are and found out later on how many tons of others have been through the same hopeless-feeling struggle. This is not a matter of discipline at all. I promise that you can come out on the other side of this! I’m writing another follow up to this post soon, I hope it provides you with some more comfort and hope. I am sending you the biggest hug right now.

    • Yuliya
      March 5, 2013 | 3:34 pm

      Stacy, you definetely are not alone! My favorite pass time lately is to sit on the couch and stuff my face with M&M’s! And then I look around and see all these pretty people who can eat one or two bites of food and stop. And they also say they have good geenes. I guess I drew a short stick in the geen pool, because cellulite and wight gain and uncontrollable appetite is what I can brag with. You are not alone and please do not compare yourself with those other people. We all are humans and we go through cycles. I used to be one of those gym buffs with a 6-pack. But then you get tired of that – who wouldn’t? Marla has great posts about self-love. And if you trully and carefully read them, you will see that is does apply to you and you CAN stop this cycle. At least that is what I believe in – I am not giving up!

  9. Donna
    September 27, 2012 | 2:48 pm

    I know I’m WAY late, but just came to share a little Goddess love and support. GREAT post – I loved how open and honest you were here…hope you now know how powerful sharing so deeply can be for others? Go courageous goddess! xx

  10. Lesley Reid Cross
    September 19, 2012 | 9:06 pm

    This feels SO spot on. And your easy starts are very powerful… With overgiving, there’s so often an element of making ourselves responsible for others’ experiences, and basing our own self-worth on what we do for others…not on Who We Are as someone worthy and valuable all by ourselves. Thank you.

  11. Mary
    September 17, 2012 | 10:12 am

    That’s a brilliant post . I never made the connection before about the giving and never feeling full. I not an over eater as I’m conscious of what I eat yet recently have noticed that I lack that signal of being full or feeling satisfied , almost as if the flap that alerts me I’m full is blocked. Also the baby weight comment has triggered something as still holding the weight in my thighs which I never had before in my life. Off to ponder thank you

  12. Christine
    September 17, 2012 | 6:29 am

    Thank you for your heartfelt post! You are so right…many women do take on other people’s problems like it’s our job to fix them! I’m certainly guilty of that–not as much now as in previous years, but it is certainly something I have heightened awareness of. And then there’s all those perceived criticisms to look like a model and act put together all the time…it’s no wonder many of us turn to food for comfort.

    Cyber hugs,
    Christine

  13. Sarah S.
    September 16, 2012 | 4:26 pm

    Wow! Have never looked at it this way! Very empowering. This is really resonating with me at present. I am so glad I found this post!

  14. Louise Darcy
    September 16, 2012 | 9:24 am

    Hmm, a very thought provoking post with lots of relevant content covered. I have always been at a stable weight with no real food issues although I recognise that when I feel a bit low, lonely or sad I will tend to eat something that I know is bad for me. Thankfully this doesn’t happen too often but I can imagine that if you feel this way for the majority of the day then that’s the kind of food that you will eat too. It’s definitely a ‘cover up’ of some kind. A way of masking or hiding something inside. Interesting post again-thanks for sharing. Happy Sunday :-)

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 1:34 pm

      Louise, happy happy Sunday to you too! Thank so much for stopping by and for your sweet words.

  15. samantha jenkins
    September 16, 2012 | 7:41 am

    What a brave and honest post that’s already helping your readers, including me. I so relate to all the reasons you have identified!! I am currently in the process of trying to lose weight …hoping that now I have done so much inner work I am able to at last revise the way I approach food. Only time will tell, but I could not agree more …the relationship to food is so f’up for so many people on this planet and the reasons are never simple. Good on you for sharing and I’m sure your plans to write an e-book can help many others.

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 1:33 pm

      Samantha, thank you so much. I’m sending you lots of love and good wishes on your weight loss journey. I am so certain that the inner work you’ve done will help a ton.

  16. CJ
    September 14, 2012 | 9:46 pm

    So beautiful.
    So on point for so many of us.
    So grateful you wrote it.

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 1:30 pm

      CJ, thank you so much. <3

  17. Tanja @ Crystal Clarity
    September 14, 2012 | 9:06 pm

    OMG, Marla, are you me? I recognise SO MUCH of myself in what you’ve written here. I’d also add that for me, it comes and goes in cycles – I keep *thinking* I’ve got on top of it, and I’m now FINALLY a healthy, normal person with a healthy, normal relationship to food… and then along comes something like… oh… a death in the family, and I’m somehow learning all the damn lessons all over again.

    This comment – “…where they claimed that if I’d just call a friend or write in a journal that I’d suddenly be the kind of person who can eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full.” – spoke to me like you wouldn’t believe. Yes! This! Seriously: if I could SLAP every person I’ve ever heard say “it’s just a matter of calories in vs calories out and having some discipline”, I’d…. well, I’d probably have REALLY sore hands by now.

    Thank you for a brave, beautiful, brilliant post, my dear. You are – as always – thoroughly awesome!

    Blessings

    TANJA

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 1:29 pm

      Tanja, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment and I am SO happy you could relate! That is such a great point about it coming and going in cycles – I go through the same thing. I think that in a way that is the huge gift of having any addictive urges that crop up from time to time – it is like this extra way we have of sensing when we need a heavy dose of self care. Lots of love to you, wise woman. <3

  18. Toni
    September 14, 2012 | 8:52 pm

    Well done!! I also have had periods where I was consumed with food. As I have travelled my Wellness journey I have gathered tools of awareness. The binge monster can rear its head if Im not being true to myself. Thank you for sharing such an honest post. Amazing. Will be sharing! x
    Love and light

  19. Melinda Eliza
    September 14, 2012 | 3:49 pm

    Brava brave woman! This is well said and soulful. Thank you for sharing and too for offering great ideas.
    Melinda Eliza

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 1:26 pm

      Thank you so much Melinda sweetie! I’m so glad you liked it. :)

  20. gina rafkind
    September 14, 2012 | 11:22 am

    Marla this is an amazing, insightful post! And I believe will be invaluable to others……..the insight about the ‘baby weight’ is brilliant…I don’t have children and I can relate and

    “we never realize the powers of our own vaginas and take over the fucking world”

    OMG, you still made me laugh on a serious subject which is such the gift you have sweet one……..
    much love!
    gina

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 1:26 pm

      Gina, you are so sweet. Thank you so much. I’m honored to be taking over the world via vagina power with you. xooxoxoxo

  21. Sandra
    September 14, 2012 | 11:06 am

    Marla, Again and again, I am reminded how wise you are. You and I have discussed binge eating, and since our last discussion, I have read a book that helped me, and may assist your other readers as well: Brain over Binge, by Kathryn Hansen. An interesting read, and a completely different approach. Love you so much!

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:17 pm

      I love YOU so much, Aunt Sandra! Thank you so much for always being so supportive and for the book recommendation, too – I just put it on my list of books to read. <3

  22. Loran
    September 14, 2012 | 10:37 am

    Didn’t I just write this post? I wish I had! Brilliant and insightful as always. Yes, I was out of touch with my body for years. I never trusted it. Yes, I’m an over-giver. What’s a social worker to do? Yes, it’s not only easier to focus on food, but the obsession with weight, than life!

    You hit it out of the ball park with this one.

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:15 pm

      Thank you so much, my friend. My bingeing was at its worst when I was a case manager for adults with HIV & AIDS, so I really hear you – so hard to maintain proper boundaries when it’s your JOB to give! you’re such a star and an inspiration.

  23. Tanya
    September 14, 2012 | 9:58 am

    Brilliant and so what I needed to hear today. Thank you! I am recovering from overeating and learning to love myself at any weight <3 Tanya

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:13 pm

      Dearest Tanya, thank you so so so much. I couldn’t agree with you more – the only thing that made my weight loss easy was when I decided to love myself just as I am. So glad to have you here. <3

  24. Dominee
    September 14, 2012 | 9:27 am

    I really, really, love this and I adore that you went indepth to the reasons, ones which I’ve never thought of. I’ve always heard, “You’re just bored, find something to turn your attention to.” Like it’s something so easy and simply solved but it goes much deeper than that. Thank you for bringing this out into the light!

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:12 pm

      I adore YOU! Thank you so much, Dominee. Another one that makes me laugh is ‘drink water – sometimes dehydration feels like hunger’. OH SO EASY. problem solved! oy vey.

  25. Nancy Norbeck
    September 14, 2012 | 9:23 am

    OMG, Marla…thank you so much for this post! I’m going to bookmark it and work with these three questions for a while. I’ve been fighting the bingeing/emotional overeating monster for years, so a lot of what you’re saying is familiar, but I’ve never heard it put so clearly and helpfully before. You’re so right that it’s way, way more than just journalling or calling a friend–the issues are way deeper than that, like the ones you listed. Our culture is so broken and we don’t even understand it.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:10 pm

      Oh Nancy I am so touched that this resonated with you. I know that your journey to getting better might look different from mine but I hope this at least gives you enough perspective to taking beating yourself up out of the equation. Thank YOU so much.

  26. Carolyn Elliott
    September 14, 2012 | 9:11 am

    Marla, this was a pure hit of brilliance that I needed this morning. Thank you. I really feel you on the point that one of the reasons why we struggle with over-eating is the major devaluation of feminine energy in our culture and the pressure to always be in masculine planning-doing-executing mode. Which is freakin’ exhausting. — Which means – just as you get to – that the way we eat and feel about how we eat is indeed an issue with big societal implications – and this! – “Brainstorm about what you would want to give the world if your weight and food were a non-issue” is a lovely, freeing idea.

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:06 pm

      Carolyn, thank you so so much. I’m so glad and honored that it spoke to you. It is indeed an issue with big societal implications – and in my experience, that awareness doesn’t necessarily solve problems overnight, but it give enough perspective to decrease self hatred enough that healing can happen. You know? Anyway, so nice to hear from you! Hope you are wonderful. <3

  27. Sarah
    September 14, 2012 | 9:09 am

    That’s a brilliant post…I too have been there with the binge eating and I know how that feels. The ‘I’m going to carry on eating this junk food, even though I feel physically ill, because it’s my piunishment for being a fat pig” Yeah, that worked. I found the only way I started to heal was by understanding myself, stopping the self hate and starting to genuinely try and take care of myself. I’m still fat, but I rarely binge and when I do, I know there’s a problem somewhere I’m not dealing with. I can’t always stop overeating but sometimes I can, and more importantly, I think I’m OK now. I actually like myself, and don’t beat myself up when I have a ‘phase’. Love your ideas, too. Thanks for posting xx

    • Marla
      September 16, 2012 | 12:04 pm

      dearest Sarah, thank you so much for your comment. I can tell that you’re more than OK now! I completely agree about the path to healing – and it took me awhile to realize that ‘genuinely taking care of myself’ could mean eating healthfully and exercising on one day and indulging on another. Thank you thank you thank you. <3

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HEY YOU!
I'm Marla Hamilton, and this is my blog. I write it because I want to make it very easy for you to feel healthy and great about yourself.Read more about me here.
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